It is really cute to see my new daughter-in-law and my son together. They have been married just over a year. As I watch them together, I have been replaying so many scenes of my own early married life.
In my first year of marriage I thought my Ray was like a hero. He fulfilled every expectation in the first few months of marriage. Everything he did endeared him to me more and more. He was so perfect.
At about our ninth month of wedded bliss I went away on a women’s retreat with our church. It was hard leaving my perfect man at home, and I knew he would miss me. But I felt it was the right thing to go away on this retreat for the weekend.
Back then we had no cell phones so I was not able to text him every minute to send him cute emoticons. I was not able to text and let him know what I was doing at that exact moment. I was not able to text him a good night. I had no access to a phone, so I didn’t even speak to him for two whole nights. Can you imagine?
Well it was now Sunday afternoon, and I was so anxious to see my Ray knowing that he would be waiting for me with open arms. My friend dropped me off in our driveway. I didn’t see our car. I walked inside our apartment and searched for him. He was not home.
What happened here? Wasn’t he looking at his watch every minute in anticipation for my return? Where were my flowers and welcome-home kisses? Wasn’t he looking down the driveway for a first glimpse of the car that would be carrying me back home to him? I was crushed.
He arrived an hour later. He had been playing basketball with his friends and was all hot and sweaty. And when he got home all I got was, “How was the retreat?” I had been stewing for a whole hour. It was not pleasant what followed.
Like many new wives we place a lot of expectations on our husbands. They are supposed to read our minds and anticipate all our desires and wants. They are supposed to buy the perfect gifts. They are supposed to say the right thing. They are supposed to be our perfect knights in shining armor. Sigh! Wives, we are so demanding, aren’t we? Somehow we lose sight that we still need to clothe ourselves in compassion, kindness, humility, patience, and we still need to love our husbands too.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people … clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility and gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive.” (Colossians 3:12-13)
I have been married for almost 27 years. And my husband is still my knight in shining armor. It’s just that the armor is not always shining.